Introduction to Clubland

By: DJ Ron Slomowicz

Clubland is a magical place a lot of us go each weekend. Our own little escape from the day to day grind, its almost another world separate from the rigors of day to day reality. In the movie "Modulations," a club kid describes it as the place you go on Saturday might where it doesn't matter who you are, the color of your skin, if you just broke up with your girlfriend, if you lost your job, if its raining, your car broke down - no matter what you can jump on the dancefloor and let it all out by dancing and sweating for 5-6 hours. Someone once said that religion was the opiate of the masses, but in my mind clubs work just as well. Visiting clubland - this whole other world you will see all kinds of interesting people, events and objects that you don't see in the daylight. You also hear a language that can be pretty obscure to the uninitiated. I thought I would take this column to explain some terminology you may hear in your journeys into clubland!

First an introduction to some of the people you will see out:

Clubkid / Punter - your denizens of clubland, who come out on the weekends to dance and party. The club kids are the ones who dress up in more elaborate outfits and makeup to make the night seem more special. The punters are the ones who are probably wearing the clothing from Tommy Hilfiger and Structure.

Raverkids - look for the bass speakers and you will see this clan huddled together. Bouncing around in really baggy jeans and oversized ADIDAS clothing, they are known to travel from city to city for underground rave parties.

Circuitboys - these guys dominate the prime territory of the dancefloor with the highest visibilty (usually on a platform of some sort.) In their natural state, they are shirtless musclebound men who spend several hours each day working out to perfect their bodies (or temples). At "circuit parties," their monthly gatherings around the world, they will dress in attire dictated by the party ie White, Red, Blue, etc. Circuit boys are always in pursuit of "life, love, and happiness" but will usually settle for a "beautiful stranger."

Divagirls - a very rare species, these are the women so fabulous - that you stop and ask yourself "Is that a dragqueen?"

Those are some of the people you will run into, now lets describe some elements of time:

Prebar - Parties held at a friends house usually starting at 8pm and lasting until 11pm (or whenever people head to the club.) If the party is scheduled to start at 8p most people will show up between 9p-9:30p. People who are totally full of themselves with massive egos will show up at 10:45 and think they are the coolest. Upon their entrance, these "fabulous" people are frowned on by the revelers on their way out.

Prime Time - On Fridays and Saturdays, 11p - 2:30am is considered primetime. This is when the most people are at the clubs engaging in the festivities. The party usually ends when last call is announced and people begin to head to..

Afterhours - For the truly dedicated partygoers, afterhours is held from 2a - 8a on the weekends. Any one left dancing at 8am is usually greeted with that blinding ray of sunlight as they leave the club making them realize that their sleep schedule is completely out of whack.

Tea Dance - Usually held on Sundays and starting after brunch, these parties go from 3ish to about 8pm. The goal here is to go out and party but be back home in time to start work on Monday with a few solid hours of sleep. Of course hairdressers are always bitter, since they have Mondays off.

Note: These time periods also vary based on geographic location. If you live in New York, add three hours.

Some other random dialogue you may hear in clubland:

Alphabet soup - the letters describing the party favors people choose to consume. Although, I personally do not condone nor endorse the partaking of these, I feel you should know what you are hearing people talk about. These are all illegal drugs and you do not need to have them for a good time in clubland. I have been clean and sober now for 13 years - trust me you can have fun without this stuff.

You may hear people talk about K, G, and X. K (aka Special K) is Ketamine, a powerful horse tranquilizer, used by people to get stuck in holes where they lose any sense of spatial continuum. Please remember that it is never safe to microwave metal objects.

G stands for GHB, a synthetic growth hormone used by bodybuilders to increase the dopamine levels in their brain so they can have better workouts. G is used by clubkids to increase the intensity of their dancing, speed them up and get horny (as a side effect). Sometimes GBL, a chemical used in paint thinner, is sold as GHB. Either way G should never be mixed with alcohol and should not be taken in conjunction with antidepressants.

X stands for Ecstasy, the rolls people swallow. This drug has several different formulas like Yellow Banana, Blue Mercedes, and is almost always cut with something else so people never know what they are getting. I always find people taking X humorous, inducing chemicals into the body and not knowing what to expect.

For the truly insane, there is trail mix an insane mix of X, K and crystal methamphetamine. You have to wonder what kind of trail these people are going on.

Sketchy - the closest English equivalent is unreliable - something or someone that isn't operating properly. Sketchy may also be used as a noun (sketch) to describe the language people speak in altered states.

Chill - to relax or get unstressed. Chilling usually occurs in cool down or chill out rooms, quiet and mellow areas where people can regain their senses.

Dartboard - the human equivalent of a carnival, you know everyone gets a ride (or shot.)

Sale rack - closeout trade or that line of guys and girls standing outside of the club at closing time desperately searching for a last chance trick. This liquidation sale is sometimes referred to as the bargain basement.